How To Learn Your Partner’s Love Language


Sherley is a Haitian-American flight attendant who served eight years in the US Army Reserve. Her journey with Femme Naturelle began in 2012 as a way to build a safe space, a community to uplift and empower women in relationships transitioning out of crisis. She resides in New Jersey with her husband and two children.

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How To Learn Your Partner’s Love Language

This article was written by Tania Bhattacharya on behalf of Sherley Altidor.

Remember that famous book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus? Even if you haven’t read the book, you get the drift, right? It seems that men and women live in two different planets which means that there naturally exists a world of differences between them. However, when we talk about coexisting in a relationship, we got to make things work. And that means understanding each other, celebrating the similarities, and appreciating the differences. Most importantly, we should understand our partner’s ‘love language,’ which is not always spoken in words. Even in case of same-sex couples, inherent differences exist because two people are rarely the photocopy of each other’s characteristics. Understanding each other’s finer likes and dislikes, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, is the key to a lasting relationship.

Gary Chapman writes about the five love languages in his bestseller The Five Love Languages: The Secrets to Love That Lasts. The way each one of us wants to express or receive love is different. However, understanding that can do wonders because when you know what makes your partner happy, you will obviously try to do that, right? Here are the five language of love according to the book:

Love Language: Recognition through the right words

All of us could do with a little more appreciation, right? Positive words or a note of appreciation goes a long way in showing that you are really ‘noticing’ your partner. If your significant other is wearing something nice or flaunting a new hairstyle, appreciate it. However, the point is to be genuine. Don’t just say something is good when you don’t mean it because your partner will soon see through your insincerity. Including cards or love notes are also great things to do.

Quality time together with your loved one

For some people, being together is all that they want. Maybe it is apparently not much. Just watching a movie together or an impromptu date night? And it does not really have to be an elaborate or fancy affair. But what matters is spending some quality time in each other’s company. What’s most important is being there, not just physically but also emotionally. This means, paying real attention when you are talking instead of constantly checking your cell phone or laptop.

Giving gifts

Gifts are a way to express that you were thinking of that person and remembering him/ her even when the person wasn’t around. Isn’t that wonderful? Gifts don’t have to be expensive but they should be thoughtful. Keeping a mental note of all that your partner wished for is a good thing to do. That way, you already know what to buy the next time you want to.

Being caring

Sometimes all you need is a helping hand. Maybe coming back from work and finding the dinner ready. Or dropping the kids to their baseball sessions. Keep a note of the chores that your partner does not like doing much and volunteer to do those whenever you can. This is a wonderful way of showing that you care.


A simple hug or kiss is often the best expression. You don’t always need words to express your feelings, do you?

Chances are, your partner won’t walk up to you and say the love language that appeals to him/ her the most. Then how will you know what he/ she wants? By observing. When you are close to someone you often start understanding each other even without being explicit about things. Just put in a little effort in ‘decoding’ your partner’s likes and dislikes, and you should be able to understand the love language. The essence of any relationship is to be there… like really there, not just physically but emotionally as well. Be sensitive, be open, and be good to your partner, and you will automatically understand what makes your partner tick.

Articles you may enjoy on relationships:

How To Make A Relationship Work Even After You Have Been Cheated On

How To Make Love Last, Is There A Secret

How Not To Lose Yourself Loving Your Partner

How To Learn Your Partner's Love Language

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