How Not To Lose Yourself Loving Your Partner


Sherley is a Haitian-American flight attendant who served eight years in the US Army Reserve. Her journey with Femme Naturelle began in 2012 as a way to build a safe space, a community to uplift and empower women in relationships transitioning out of crisis. She resides in New Jersey with her husband and two children.

Hi, I'm sherley

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How Not To Lose Yourself Loving Your Partner

This article was written by Tania Bhattacharya on behalf of Sherley Altidor.

Love, at times, is an all-engulfing passion and often, one of the first things it consumes is our identity. Although it is not something that we consciously do, sometimes we invest so much into a relationship that we forget the most important thing—being our natural self.

Has that ever happened to you? Were you or are you in a relationship that feels that you are always living for the other person? That your world revolves around your partner so much that you, in essence, have no life of your own and spend every waking moment doing things that your partner loves?

This is something that happens to many of us. However, I do believe that somewhere we got to draw the line. We got to love without losing our identity because, believe it or not, staying happy with yourself is one of the most underrated kinds of happiness.

Here is what we can do to preserve our identity even when we are totally invested into a relationship:

1. Follow your passion:

Your partner and you don’t have to have all the hobbies in common. However, if you love something, go for it. Do things that make you happy even if your partner isn’t a part of it.

2. Go out with friends:

Your friends. Hang out and have fun. You will be surprised how much you have to talk about!

3. Gift yourself:

Buy things for yourself that you love. It doesn’t have to be expensive! Maybe just flowers or chocolates, if that’s what you like.

4. Take care of yourself:

Making time for a doctor’s visit or a salon visit are important things. These mean you don’t neglect your wellbeing.

5. Don’t give up your career:

Relationship Advice

A future together when everything looks good is a dream that many of us have. But let’s face it. Not every dream turns true. Relationships sometimes hit a bad patch and often end in separation. It is hence important that we stand on our own feet and equip ourselves to be independent.

I always believe that you cannot keep someone happy unless you are happy yourself. What’s more, if you are into a rewarding relationship, your partner will be happy that you are not neglecting your wellbeing.

What do you think? Do let me know!

Articles that you may enjoy on relationships:

Do You Know What Is Being Done Behind Your Back

What Does It Mean To Be Strong

How To Make A Relationship Work Even After You Have Been Cheated On

How Not To Lose Yourself Loving Your Partner

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Femme Parler, which in french means, “woman talk,” is a podcast speaking to women about regaining our power after a crisis in a relationship. 


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