It’s hard when someone you care about hurts you. How could someone break your heart and why would they do this? What did you do in the situation that may have played a part in this? These are the questions and many more that may run through your mind. In this episode, we discuss key points in helping you heal through a heartache which include but is not limited to being vulnerable and honest about your situation, reaching out to the right people to talk to about your heartache, and understanding the importance of growing out of the same vicious cycles in your relationships.
When you are falling in love or realize you might be in love, many of us may wonder (or even our closest confidants who we may tell about our feelings may wonder and ask) if it truly is love or just an infatuation. We have similar questions when we are well into a relationship for some time and things may not go as planned or seem stagnant. Although in most cases you cannot be sure with clinical precision, there are a few signs that could tell you if it is time to part ways with the other person.
Forgiveness is a major part of the healing process. It is defined as “a conscious deliberate decision to release feelings of hurt and resentment toward someone who has hurt you whether they deserve your forgiveness or not.” In this episode, Sherley and Kira discuss what it means to be a prisoner of self, choosing to release feelings of hurt and resentment in order to heal, expectations, and loving unconditionally.
There are two things that I strongly believe should happen before marriage—sex and living with the person that you want to spend your life with before the vows have been exchanged. It is so important for two people who are going to be together to live together before marriage. The reason I say that is because I strongly feel that one really, truly has to know who he or she is going to be with day in and day out for the rest of their lives if the person plans to spend their life with that person until death do them part. Committing to live with another person for life is no small decision. Everyone is not compatible to live with. It’s best not to be surprised if you can avoid it. By living together before, you can gauge what you are willing and not willing to put up with and compromise on and learn a rhythm of living together so that there is harmony and no huge learning curve right after the high of the honeymoon.
It’s so important to understand the differences between a compromise, a sacrifice, and completely losing yourself in someone else or making it easier to not have to do any of these things. Because making it easier to not have to put in the work is a factor in becoming the side chick. Relationships take work, whether monogamous or polyamorous. You are hurting yourself, the person who has accepted you as their side chick, the person that they are cheating on, and anyone else who is touched by the main relationship when you decide to stunt your growth and theirs. By refusing to do the work by yourself, you are cutting off the opportunity to grow with someone else.