Autumn is such a great time to reflect on the year so far and remind yourself to stay on track as you let bad habits fall away and prepare to get cozy before your new year glow up resolutions. Why wait until then when you can get a head start now? On not just you but your home too. Here’s a rundown of what’s on my radar to make sure me and my surroundings are at my best.
Each morning I have to make a conscious choice— should I open Facebook and allow myself to be assaulted by news of rapes and sexual assaults that intersperse my timeline amidst weekend updates and vacation photos. Each morning I have to decide whether I should read about what’s going on in the world and subject myself to the trauma of reading about even five-year-old girls being raped and murdered by neighbors, cousins, or even their dads.
This is why we must stop feeling bad about saying no. The key to being okay with saying “No” is knowing your value in not just “Yes” but “No” as well.
In more cases than we think, it’s not wrong to say no. For instance, not having the funds to help out a loved one who needs to borrow money when you yourself do not have enough funds to get by is unfortunate but not wrong. We all depend on each other and make sacrifices but sometimes the sacrifice is too great and the only person who can pull back on that is you.
Women are strong. This isn’t a quality designated to one gender. Women can be and are physically strong. Women can be and are independent. Women can be and are dependent. It takes a strong person to know when they need to lean on other people. It takes a strong person to get up everyday and keep going when doors slam in your face, when opportunities (raises and bonuses and pay equity from the get go for examples) are not afforded to you because of your gender. It takes a strong person to know their worth and demand it.
Self-preservation is about putting the oxygen mask on yourself first so that you’re able to help others with theirs. Self-preservation is about allowing yourself to be available to be the best version of yourself, the most selfless you can be. The opposite of selfishness. There is definitely a fine line when discussion self-preservation as the topic can quickly pivot to survival of the fittest. Some would go so far as to say that kill or be killed is in our nature. So when you are looking to find ways to self-preserve, check your intentions behind needing to step away or center yourself.
Battling my own personal demands within the last ten months while trying to also remain as strong as possible actually made me feel as though my life was upside down. While it may have looked like everything was fine from the outside, I felt like I was not in control of anything. Everything was falling apart. I don’t like being this vulnerable, for fear of not being seen as strong. But I cannot be of help to others if I do not speak from an authentic place.